BLOGS

ERIN SCHUSTER

“Writing these blogs isn’t just about sharing my story—it's about creating a space where others can see themselves, find comfort, and feel empowered to take control of their own journey."

Check out all my blogs below to read about my personal journey with mental health and how my experiences motivate me to help others navigate their own struggles. Read below to dive into stories, insights, and practical tips for overcoming challenges and finding balance!

The Final Step

Aug 12, 2024

In just nine months, I will take the long-awaited final step when I step onto a stage with the Dean of my school and all my classmates and families clapping. I will have graduated college with a degree in a major  found myself through. This fills me with pride and joy for myself. I have gotten myself this far. I’ve done it. I feel all those positive things, yet deep down, I am scared out of my mind. I will enter the real world as soon as I step off that stage. The world where there is no more waiting all summer to see your best friends. The world where it is time to change your childhood routine and create a new one. I don’t want to say you must create a new routine. Because you don’t. In my opinion, I would need to find a different source to keep me busy. I love having a routine; it helps me focus and go through my day. So, once I graduate, I will be looking for a full-time job. Hopefully, it’s a “big girl job” where I can run social media and create radio ads.

Having the routine, I have always known change in just a few short months is horrifying. I don’t handle change well; I know it is good, but it’s also scary. I always let the fact that it’s scary consume my thoughts. The idea of not knowing what’s next for me is highly unsettling. I like a set plan with set times. Lately, I have been getting better at just going with the flow. My spontaneous side has started to come out. It’s helped me open my eyes to the fact I should be excited for the unexpected. I always say everything happens for a reason. I know my waiting right now is waiting for everything that will happen.

Julia and my favorite thing to do is manifest things. So that’s what I am going to do. I hope to have had the best year in my college house. I am living with four of my best friends in the perfect home, and I couldn’t be more excited. Our guy friends since sophomore year are all living up the street from us, with was totally unplanned. We were hanging out one night, and I asked them where they were living, and they said the same street as us in the same town. How crazy is that?  I hope to have graduated with solid grades and have a job to go to after that. I hope to spend my first post-grad summer traveling Europe or living in Long Beach Island with my grandfather. I would love to intern at Barstool Sports or work on social media for famous brands.

I know whatever I end up doing is going to be meant for me. So, I think the final step won’t be as scary as I think. It definitely won’t be as frightening as those student loans will be.

Getting Back to Reality

Aug 11, 2024

There are only three more weeks left of my summer. In just three weeks, I will be going back to school. I like to consider going back there as me getting back to reality, which I kind of am. I’m getting back into a consistent routine, being away from home, and accepting that this will be my last year at Monmouth. As excited as I am to be going back, all I can think about is my summer.

I wish I could say I went on all these trips and did all these things, but I didn’t. I have been going to work almost every day since June. I work at a country club as a server and love it. Going to work consistently helped me maintain a routine. Along with that, work helped me make money to save for the school year. I am also a talker, so being able to get paid to talk all day isn’t too bad, in my opinion.

Going back into my school routine is different this time around, which scares me. Ever since kindergarten, it is like I have been internally trained to adapt from the summer to school time frame. I have been doing it for years: I go to school for three seasons, then I get to go to the beach for months. My routine for all my life is changing because this is my last year attending school. I know nothing is changing right now, and I still have the whole year. But we all know by now that time flies. The idea of change is scaring me. It scares me because I have no idea what’s to come.

I may be worrying about this, but I’m still learning to live in the moment. There are so many things I am looking forward to this year. For the second year I am living in an off-campus house with four of my best friends and returning to my job as a gymnastic coach. My schedule is perfect. I don’t think I have ever loved something more. My schedule is filled with classes like voiceover, podcasting, and digital fundraising. I hope to secure an internship and give myself another opportunity to learn and grow my skills. I have so much to look forward to; this is why there is no need to stress.

Getting back to the reality of school in just three weeks is sickening. Moving into my college town for the last time and having to walk into my last, first day of classes ever. Actually, I shouldn’t say forever. I am still debating on graduate school. Right now, all I need is a break. Then we will see. I am not ready to accept that I am entering the “real world” in April. This seems so far, but like I said, time flies when you’re having fun. When I return, I will live in the reality I am scared of right now. I know I will because I will start by living in the moment. You can start anything at any time you want. You can change your mindset, routine, or outfit whenever you want.

Is There A Right Time To Start?

Aug 9, 2024

Sometimes, it is so hard to just start. Being able to get up and get everything done. When I need to do something, my favorite phrase to tell myself is that I’ll do it later, and that never happens. I have always been a procrastinator in every part of my life. I always waited until the last minute to study, practice my speech, learn my dance, or do my homework. This triggers my anxiety, which makes the situation end up 100 times worse. Every time I am in the whirlwind of stress and mid-panic attack, I wonder why I just didn’t start. Why I couldn’t figure out when I should have,

I think about this a lot. When should I start something I keep telling myself to do?  Anytime I say I want to try this “life-changing” thing like going on daily walks, I keep pushing back the days. “I’ll do it Monday, no, Tuesday… Actually, I’d rather start it when the week starts.” Every time I push it back, I justify the fact I am avoiding the task. I know the process of starting a routine. It takes twenty-one days to form a routine. Just twenty-one days. Yes, those would be long and stressful twenty-one days. But after twenty-one days, I would have a positive mindset towards a routine.

Something I have been in the process of starting is the 75 Hard Challenge. This is a popular challenge where you create a list of rules for yourself to follow for seventy-five days.  There are some main rules: one indoor and outdoor workout a day, read, create a diet, and take a progress picture every day. I added some of my own rules, like cleaning for fifteen minutes, journaling or blogging, and cooking at least twice. Today was day five of this challenge, and I am exhausted. My typical day right now looks like a 6 am one-hour workout or walk, making a protein-filled breakfast, leaving for my 10 -8 shift, a one-hour night walk or workout, fifteen minutes to clean and journal, make dinner, and finally sleep—all of this, plus a summer class.

Although I have just started this challenge, I have already noticed some changes in my days. First, I remembered how much I loved waking up early and taking walks in my peaceful street towns. This morning’s walk was one of my favorites. It was rainy but perfect. It reminded me of the fall. Look at that—a positive outcome of starting something.

My body as a whole is starting to feel stronger. I stand all day at my serving job, strengthening my legs and core. I have started to work out my knee, which lessens my pain when I stand. Cleaning, writing and cooking have all been excellent outlets for my anxiety. Adding these into my daily routine has given me time to have these outlets in my everyday life.

I could talk about how I am starting to feel from this challenge for one hundred more pages- but I won’t. This kind of feels all over the place. I was talking about figuring out the right time to start and ended up talking about creating a routine. It almost seems like I was avoiding the question. Spoiler alert: I was. I avoided it because there was no way to tell when it would be the right time to start something. At least I can’t figure it out. However, if you were to ask me when the right time to start is, I would say once you have created a routine, Without any routine, you lack the motivation to get up to do something. We need to remind ourselves to take care of ourselves. A routine is what gets your mind moving in the morning, which pushes your body throughout the rest of the day.

What is Being Happy?

Aug 5, 2024

We all strive for a happy life and have a goal to live a meaningful life. But how can we ensure that we live one? For such a simple question, the answer is extremely broad. When you are happy, you feel like nothing can stop you, and you’re on the high of life. However, you can only be so happy for so long. We know that happiness is just a plain emotion; it can come and go at any time. This is why I can’t place what being happy truly is. Where I think happiness stems from is meaning. One of the main routes to happiness comes from our relationships. Whether they be platonic or romantic, every single relationship we form affects our lives more than we see.

Every relationship we form throughout our lives truly does have a significant effect on our lives. From platonic, family, or romantic relationships, they all have an impact on the person we become. If there is a focus on having strong, healthy, supportive people in your life, it will be easier to find the motivation to live a happy life. Who do you see when you are having a bad day and want to have some smiles? The first place I would go running is my mom and my friends. I would go there because I know how much meaning is behind our relationships, which within itself makes me happy. Happiness is a main character when it comes to a meaningful life. If you aren’t satisfied, how do you expect to make a meaningful life? We strive for healthy relationships to bring some happiness and support into our lives. All the relationships we have are the guide to whether or not we succeed in living a meaningful life or not.

Being surrounded by people who can make life feel fun and carefree brings automatic joy. Being surrounded by people you love and support you helps give you motivation to accomplish things. Finding someone you care about, someone who cares about you, can make you feel as if nothing else matters in the world besides the connection. I’m fortunate enough to be able to say I have so many people like this. Without any of these relationships, I would not be the person I am today. I don’t even know where I would be, if I would be. Having my strong, caring, understanding support system right next to me is what has kept pushing me to accomplish my goals.

Every person you meet will teach you something. Every person you meet will shape you into who you become. Every person you meet is either a lesson or a blessing, as my mom says. This is one of the best things about people and their relationships. There is always a way to learn from each other. True happiness is one of the best things you can learn from a person. Except you can only find someone who brings out that happiness if you feel there is meaning behind it.

Let’s Go Out?

Aug 3, 2024

Having a night out should always be fun, right? That’s what everyone tells you. Telling you just to go out and you will end up having fun. Except that’s not always the case. Nowadays, I feel like going out is almost like an obligation at times. If I say no to going out, I am a “loser” and no fun to be around. Party culture is only continuing to grow, along with peer pressure. Almost every day, I see people posting themselves going out; sometimes, they are the same people daily. I have no problem with going out and people who do often. I have a problem with how it can be made to feel like an obligation.

Growing up, I always loved to be out and with people, especially during my experimental high school years. Then, the minute I got to college, all of that stopped. It was mostly because I wasn’t in the best head space but also because of the pressure. I didn’t want to go out and do all the things a freshman in college would typically love to do. Every time I made the decision not to go out, I never felt any better than I would if I had actually said yes. It always felt like one of those situations where I wouldn’t win. If I went out, I would be miserable and ruin everyone’s time. But if I didn’t go out, I would be “ruining my freshman year.” Yet still, I would always say no.

My first two years of college were like this. My roommates and friends would all get ready to go out, and I would just sit and watch. I saw the party starting and watched as it was leaving right in front of me. Every time I was left in the dorm room by myself, I always got emotional. I would constantly beat myself up, wondering why I couldn’t be like my friends. It dug me deeper into that dark hole. It’s silly to me now that I would make myself feel so badly about not wanting to force myself to go out. Because I always knew I was making the right decision.

I guess it’s true you learn more about yourself as you grow. Looking back on that, I am so proud of myself for not giving in. I was never the kind of person who liked feeling obligated. Giving myself that break was one of the best things I could have done for myself. I didn’t see it then, but now I can. I allowed myself to grow within those two years of not going out. I recreated the confidence I lost and the motivation that disappeared. It also gave me the time to focus on school and figure out what I wanted to do.

Going out every night will not make or break your college experience. It also is not an obligation when you go to college. They say your college experience is what you make of it, which is true. However, the college experience should always be a process where you find yourself and grow. Partying for everyone isn’t the same; not everyone gets the same enjoyment from it. Think of it like this: my mom likes rock music, and I think that kind of music will damage your eardrums. Differences of opinion is normal, but forcing someone to do something or like something is not.

Never give in to peer pressure to seem cool or to fit in. Do right for you, and only you know what is.

What A Day Can Do

Aug 1, 2024

One day, twenty-four hours, one thousand four hundred and forty minutes, eighty-six thousand and four hundred seconds. That’s how much time we are fortunate enough to have in just one day. Breaking it down into hours, minutes, and seconds makes one day seem so much longer. Except isn’t that how we should think?

We are given so much time to make the day whatever we want. Even if you work or go to school, the day is still up to you. When I think of what a day can do, I think about how you choose to handle what comes.  Whether it’s good or bad, you have the rest of the day to make it even better. I feel like this is something most people forget in the bad times. Just because you dropped your coffee before work doesn’t mean you have to be a depresso for the rest of your day. I apologize for my corny coffee pun!

I tell my friends this all the time. It’s one of those things where I can give advice and just never take it. They will always come to me, especially Julia, about things that have apparently “ruined their entire day.” To me, there is nothing that can ruin your day unless you let it. A day can start and even restart whenever you want it to. It was so hard for me to understand why I couldn’t listen to what I was saying to others. I never would take my own advice because why would I? I can tell you why because I genuinely didn’t want to keep going through another day.

My mom always told me, “Tomorrow is a new day,” and I understood that. Except it’s not really a new day if you have no desire to try for a better day, and that was me. I was at a point where anything and everything would make me want to hobble away in my room forever. I was letting all the little joys in life turn dark because I didn’t want to fight for it.

My mom is a single mom, and throughout my childhood always was. That made me have to learn a lot of things on my own because she couldn’t always be there. I have always had a problem with not being able to find things right in front of my face. The minute that would happen and my mom wasn’t around, it was an automatic lousy day. I would be so angry and scream and cry to the point where everything went blank. And I fell too quickly into the blankness. I found so much peace in being unable to think or speak until I stopped feeling that way. I never tried to find a way just to turn my day around, and that only continued.

I lived in a blank world for years until I got medicated. Going on my happy pill (my favorite phrase for them), I could start breaking out of the blankness. I began to realize the day wasn’t over yet. Now, when I am having a bad day, I make sure I do something I like to turn it around. Going on walks, cooking, or simply sitting on the couch with my family and friends can turn my day around in minutes. I was reminded of what a day is: One day, twenty-four hours, one thousand four hundred and forty minutes, eighty-six thousand and four hundred seconds. Just one day can do so much, and you can do so much in one day.

Let it Out, To Let it Go

Jul 28, 2024

Moving on or getting over something is sometimes a continuous cycle. A cycle that can feel like it’s going to last forever. Not all people think like this; some people can move on in days or weeks. No matter a person’s timeline for moving past something, you can never get over it until you let it out. I have always been quick to suppress my thoughts. If something upsets or bothers me, I go silent. If I’m overstimulated or having a panic attack, I go silent. I never expressed my feelings, and if I did, I was wrong for it. I am very blunt; most of the time, I will say it as I see it.
In my opinion, I would instead be looked at as “mean” for telling the truth instead of not standing up for myself. Which is relatively reasonable. However, hearing it repeatedly took a toll on me, so I stepped back. My family always told me that I was the strong one who could keep it together. But we all know what you see outside is nowhere near what’s happening in your mind. I never once gave myself a chance to process the deaths or the losses I experienced. The loss of my childhood home or the process of leaving my tiny hometown for a new school alone. I was suppressing my emotions and never once thought about letting them go. 
When I started medication two years ago, that was the first time in a long time I was slowly beginning to feel. My first antidepressant, Lexapro, as weird as this is going to sound, allowed me to cry. I would consider it more as bawling my eyes out. I have always been a crybaby, but every time I cried, there was never really a point to it. I would cry about being sad but never found a place where the sadness was coming from.  
Although the medication journey to find the right one is a complex one, through every medication, I started to break out of the cycle. My trip to finding the proper medication was a bumpy one, but I began to process feelings that I never thought I would. My therapist helped a lot with that. I started letting it out and realized I was finally letting it go. I even began processing things I thought I had gotten over but never really did. One thing that I am still starting to process finally is my father walking out. Growing up without my dad was always a tricky thing, but I never realized how hard it was until now—Father’s Day started to get more complex every year, with seeing so many amazing dads almost every day. I always wished I could have a father like that, but I could never describe how thankful I am to have my mom. 
When I finally started to let it out and say how I felt, I noticed how much better I felt. Knowing I could get it out there and not just letting it lingerie in my head made me feel calm. Letting it out was showing me how to let it go. Holding onto things makes life feel heavy, and nothing is worth that. Let it go, and see how much further you will continue.

Movement Free the Mind

Jul 23, 2024

Just get up and go. That is something that is always said to be easier than done. If someone asked you what movement meant to you, what would you say? Is there only one correct answer on what movement is? We move around every day. We get out of bed, walk to the bathroom, drive our cars, and eat our food. Sometimes, we can go on walks, runs, or even go to the gym. All of those movements help free your mind. No matter how small the movement is, like simply just walking downstairs, our minds start to move.

When I was younger, movement felt like a chore. Being an active child and involved in so many activities, I had no choice but to move. Sometimes, I say if I could live in a perfect world, I would never have to leave bed. To this day, I will tell you I am not a morning person. I love my bed; I am in bed right now writing this. But what would life be if there wasn’t any movement?

I know it is weird to talk about the importance of moving when we do it every day. However, I have learned there are different kinds of movement. There is the kind you do because you have to, and there is the kind you do just for you. That difference is something I never thought about. How could a simple movement just be for you?

When I came into college, I was in no motivational state to move for myself. All the little movements, like getting up, washing my face, and as gross as it is, brushing my teeth felt like it was impossible for me. I wouldn’t want to walk to class, go to the dining hall, wash my sheets, or, in simpler words, leave my bed. Right then and there, without me even fully realizing it, I wasn’t doing anything anymore for myself. I fell into this rut all the way until last summer when I was able to reconnect with healthy movement.

Movement releases endorphins, which lessens stress. I always felt stressed because I wasn’t trying to do anything to get up and move. That feeling just led to me feeling angry, sad, and stuck. I always tried going to the gym, but that would never stick. However, I did notice something when I went to the gym. I saw how it would make me feel: free. I never understood why that happened; I was just as stressed out at the gym, thinking I looked stupid on the machines. So why did it make me feel better?

Once I came to terms with the fact I was not going to be one of those “gym rat” girls, I didn’t know where to look next. Then, one morning, I woke up four hours before my 9 a.m. shift. Laying there in my bed and staring at my ceiling, I found myself not being able to sit still. This was weird for me since it’s typically the other way around. After an hour, I got up and walked just down the block to Dunkin’ and back. When I got back, I took a shower, brushed my teeth, and it was easier for me to get ready and go to work. Even the rest of my day felt easier to get through. After that, I promised myself I would walk five times a week in the morning for at least an hour.

 My morning movement ranged from walking to long stretching, to even some youtube yoga exercises. I started just to get up and go and let movement help free my mind. I found these little movements I did for myself, on my own time, and with no one else there to interrupt, I was starting to free myself. Free me from my mind, telling myself I need to stay in bed all day and open it to tell me to get up and start my day doing something I love. Movement may free the mind, but I learned it can also free you.

Food is Fuel

Jul 27, 2024

I intended to post this a few days ago, but every time I opened my computer, I froze. I didn’t know how to start talking about something I had been struggling with for so long. It’s something that is deserved and vital in every human life, yet I had willingly deprived myself of it for years. Eating. I developed disordered eating in 2020, the beginning of my senior year in high school. I did not have the best mindset that year. I experienced so much loss that I shoved it aside and never processed it. I was in an unhealthy relationship, which turned me into having an unhealthy relationship with myself. Along with the stress of knowing in a couple of months, I would graduate high school and move away, which terrified me.

I remember when it all started; I got food poisoning from Chipotle, which stopped me from eating. I was getting protein smoothies every day and noticed how much weight I had dropped. I was never a “heavy” girl, but I definitely had a little bit of meat on my bones. I managed to go from 125 lbs to 99 lbs in a matter of two months. This lasted me throughout my entire senior year, and at first, I didn’t really know that I had developed an eating disorder; I just thought I was finally losing some weight. When I came to terms with the fact I had an eating disorder, it wasn’t even me; it was my ex-boyfriend’s mom, who I thank to this day. Every time I was over, she would always offer me food, and every time I said no. Once she came to me and had a heart-to-heart with me about my eating, I knew I was letting it get out of hand.

When I went to college and met Julia, my eating changed. She got me eating again and trying so many new foods. Except with that came weight gain, and I fell right back into those same thoughts in an instant. The summer after my first year, I fell into the twisted world of laxative abuse. I was using three different kinds every single day while restricting myself to a salad and yogurt bowl a day. I remember one time I was at a restaurant with my roommates and our families. I had ordered pasta and as soon as the waiter left I went into a panic. I could not believe I had ordered pasta. I couldn’t stop thinking about the carbs and all those calories. I ran to the bathroom and started crying about how much weight I would gain from one simple pasta meal. I was so scared because I hadn’t allowed myself to eat pasta in a year. I stopped eating pasta, pizza, sandwiches, tacos, and even my favorite food icecream. I was starving myself. I am tracking calories everyday. I would limit myself so much everyday. I even did it with fruit; six grapes a day because they were 62 calories each.

 I went on a cruise right before school started. On the fifth night, I took my nightly laxatives so I could wake up in the morning “skinny” and instantly I got excruciating stomach pain. This continued throughout the rest of my cruise and the week following. I went to two doctors and the hospital and no one could tell me what was wrong. I finally went to my third doctor where he decided to do an endoscopy. The results of that showed what was going on. I had five ulcers in my stomach. Following that, I discovered I had destroyed my stomaching lining leading me to have Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS).

Finding this out, my entire mindset on eating changed due to having to cut out many foods that flared up my IBS. While discovering my new way of eating, I started taking prescribed medication for depression. Taking those kinds of medications on an empty stomach was the final push to change my eating. The headaches and nausea I felt after taking the pills without eating was unmatched. I started by making myself breakfast everyday. Which led to me adding more food into my day. I noticed a major change in myself. I felt more energized, I was less irritable, and for the first time in years, I felt nourished.

I look back at myself today and I am nothing but proud. I manage to make myself three meals a day without even thinking about the calories. I finally understood what food is. Food is fuel, and everybody deserves food. Even on my hard days when I want to fall back into the same eating routines I used to I remind myself that food is fuel.

So Selfish

Jul 18, 2024

If someone were to call you selfish right now, how would you feel?

If you were to ask me, I would just smile. I would smile because I agree, I have been being selfish. Except, I don’t feel that being selfish is always wrong. Growing up being called selfish was never a compliment. I think the word itself is weird, quite harsh:self-ish. I remember when my mom explained what that word meant: that you only think about yourself and don’t consider others. Being selfish is something I never wanted to be, and I swore to myself one year for my 11th birthday on one of my candles to never be. That wish is definitely one I have broken, but isn’t it one we all have?

We all have been selfish at one point in our lives, and probably more. So thinking back on that wish I think about how crazy it was. Why would I waste my birthday wish on that and not a pink bike or something else a teenage girl would want? I used to have such a handle on trying my best to not be selfish. I feel like the fear of being selfish added to my shyness. It was very easy for me to follow putting others before yourself. It was always easier to listen and give advice then to open up and receive it, and I always wondered why. Maybe it was because I wasn’t ready to hear it, or maybe it was because I wasn’t ready to accept it. Whatever it was at that time, I know now that it was because I wasn’t being selfish.

I wasn’t putting myself first, or doing everything that I wanted to do. I started to realize there’s a balance to maintain. It’s important to remember life needs to be balanced to be fulfilling, always consider the other side. Being selfish doesn’t always have to mean what society defines it as. Selfish can also mean, prioritizing yourself and your needs to benefit you and your loved one. You don’t have to be called thoughtless or neglectful for doing things for yourself in the right ways.

Lately the importance of recognizing mental health and self care has become more valued, and being called selfish is taking on a new meaning. You can be selfish by placing boundaries, and prioritizing your time. You need to have an understanding that you have to be there for yourself before you can be there for others. You can’t be an empty cup trying to fill another.  You sometimes need to be selfish to benefit yourself. Even if it comes across as mean or boring, remember, if it is going to cost you peace, it is too expensive. Learning this side of being selfish changed my perspective and the choices I make. It’s okay to not go out with your friends late because you have your routine. Don’t worry, it’s okay if you stop talking to them, their energy is draining you.

So, to go back to my question again, I would still smile as my answer. I would keep my smile because I have an understanding with the kind of selfish I choose to be. Selfishness is not so much a flaw, rather a strength.

The Bright Side

Jul 15, 2024

“Look at the bright side, Peanut” is something my grandpa always told me when I was growing up. But through that growing-up process, the cycle of questioning started moving in my head. What is the bright side? Is it real? How do we know when the bright side is coming? Do we know when we’re experiencing the bright side?

Most of the time, finding the positives can be hard when the negatives are so loud. Negative times corrupt our brains and us more than we even think about. Just think about it: You’re having a hard day, and everything is going wrong, and instead of trying to find a positive, you remain in a negative headspace for the rest of the day. It is so much easier to find the negatives than the positives. I think it’s because the negatives are blunt and in your face. You remember a negative, and it can constantly play in your mind. Positives are almost like an adrenaline rush. You know you get on a happy kick and then it goes down with time? That’s at least how I process my highs and lows.

I know I’ve been through this more than once. I’m a big believer in sticking to a schedule and not changing plans. I figured if everything could go the way I wanted it to, the way I planned it, my day would be perfect. But then the question arises: what is perfect? There is no such thing as perfect, which means there would be no such thing as a perfect day. Nothing can truly be perfect.

I started noticing that every time my plans changed, I would get this unmatched anger that I could not pull myself out of. A change of plans would mean the world to me. It would feel like my world was crashing down, and I could do nothing to stop it; positives always were out of the question.

A couple of years ago, a few of my college friends and my mom had plans to go to the cheesecake factory, but because we left at a later time, we didn’t make our reservation. I remember standing outside the silent treatment, not speaking, shaking with anger—and for what? I let myself go on being mad and in a bad mood, in a negative headspace for the rest of the night.

Looking back on that day, I would’ve handled myself better in that incident. I was overlooking the fact I was surrounded by people I love and who love me. I got to see my mom after being at college for months without seeing her, and we went out to dinner eating food, which most people don’t always get opportunities for. Positives are in almost everything; we often miss them because they’re so normal to us. Positives can be having a house, drinking water, eating food, having a family, having a sound support system, going to school, and, at the end of the day, just being alive.

There’s no need to be in a negative headspace when you have so many positives around you. Think of yourself as a positive because you wouldn’t be able to accomplish anything without you. Clear your head, open your eyes, and discover the bright side.

Simple

Jul 21, 2024

It is not a secret that life can be a roller coaster, but life can always be simple if you try your best to make it. Your daily choices affect all the days to follow, and you are the only person who can make them. Although you make the final choice, there is only a decision with a robust support system behind you. Your support system should be strong, comfortable, and, of course, simple.

Growing up, my support system kept crumbling in front of me. My father wasn’t the best man and left my life very early. That was not simple. A few months after that, my grandfather passed away. That was my first time experiencing a loss that was never going to come back. That was not simple. Then, my grandmother and my aunt passed away in the same week. Not simple. Following that, the closest person I had to a father figure passed away, my uncle. That was certainly not simple. Right after that, my grandmother passed away in front of me. Not simple. A majority of my support system left, making it go from simple to a big dark hole that I never imagined myself getting out of.

Not feeling like I had a support system anymore took a severe toll on me and my outlook on life. I felt lost with no direction, and nothing was giving me joy. Then, in September 2021, I met the person who has helped me more than she knows. Julia Chankowski. We didn’t meet in college. Our friendship story is one of my favorite stories to tell. For four years, Julia and I went to high school together. She moved from Forest Hills, New York, and randomly ended up in my tiny hometown in New Jersey. Believe it or not, we were never friends within those four years. We sat on opposite sides of the classrooms and the other ends of the lunch tables but never really spoke. You know how it goes in high school; you are with your friend groups, and you stick with them.

When I saw Julia’s Snapchat story about enrolling at Monmouth University, it was the simplest choice I had ever made: to reach out. Little did I know that would be the best decision of my life, and she would become my simple. Thinking back to high school, I have no idea how I lived without her. Everybody knows that wherever there’s Julia, there’s Erin. We went from walking past each other in the hallways to walking to class every day. She went from a person in my graduating class to my best friend. My most simple friend.

I remember the day I knew this girl would be in my life forever. It was the spring semester of freshman year, and we were taking our drive to Sandy Hook. “Simple” by Flordia Georgia Line started playing. We are not the most prominent country music fans, but we couldn’t stop listening to it. We would play it 100 times every time we got in the car to drive. That’s how I knew she was my simple; she made me realize again how simple life is.

She is the ying to my yang, the sugar to my spice, and the calm to my storm. We fight like sisters, or as most people say, like an old married couple. But no matter how nasty the fight is, our understanding of each other will always matter more than our silly little fights. She is my simple, and we just go together like butter and toast.

Our First Hello